As a person with a lot of anxiety, low self-esteem, and a propensity toward overthinking everything always, I feel guilty a lot. A lot a lot. I truly believe that this guilt is counterproductive and I don’t believe it’s almost ever helpful. So I try not to feel it. This is easier said than done. But this week I succeeded. I refused to feel guilty.
Yup, I just flat out refused to feel guilty.
Hubby was out of town for a few days and as often happens, I was struggling to keep it together. So I took Hubby’s advice, got a babysitter, ran some errands I needed to run for myself (for once), and then I got my nails done.
I was a little late getting back home because the expensive, yet marvelously relaxing and delicious-smelling mani/pedi took longer than expected. But it was so worth it and afterward I was nice and relaxed. I seriously was. It was incredible.
Then the guilt started to creep in.
I started to fall into the familiar habit of feeling guilty for taking time to myself and feeling bad that I was going to be a little late getting home. But I didn’t want to ruin my relaxed feeling.
So I made a conscious decision to NOT feel guilty.
It was extremely freeing.
I felt lighter. I felt happy. And the lack of guilt didn’t even have any negative side-effects. No one was mad at me for being late. No one reprimanded me for taking time to myself or spending too much money. I was guilt-free and completely relaxed about it. And what is more, I was amazed that I even had this choice to begin with.
I had a choice.
Feeling excessive guilt might be a knee-jerk reaction and a deeply ingrained habit. But I can still choose not to entertain the guilt, not to let it take over and ruin my happiness.
This was a revelation to me because I often try to assuage my guilt and think of reasons I shouldn’t have to feel guilty, but that never works. There are always reasons i could hate myself and feel like a failure. But this time I simply refused to think about it any further. I just didn’t want to. I took a few deep breaths, turned up the music in the car, and thought about something else. Forget the guilt. I wanted to feel peace, and I did.
This week I made the decision not to feel guilty. I just hope I can keep it up, because that guilt will ruin your life, I tell you. But it’s good to know I can make that choice now, and in the future.
What wins are you celebrating this week?
What did you do right? What are you proud of? What’s just one thing you feel good about this week? Let us know so we can celebrate with you!