Things I Always Say as a Mom

Since I became a mom 17 years ago, I find myself saying the same things over and over and over again. Like, a lot. All the freaking time. There are things that I always say as a mom that I just keep on repeating and probably will until the day I die because only moms talk like this.

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Things I always say as a mom:

To my toddler:

“Be soft.”

He’s a hitter. You could call it boisterous if you want, but he’ll smack you in the face with no regrets.

“Hot.”

Fair warning before the pain.

“Come here!”

This never works. Why do I keep saying this?

“Shoes on!”

Since he loves his shoes this is my attempt to bribe him to “come here.” It doesn’t work either.

“Yucky.”

Why is it that he’ll eat a piece of trash off the ground but not the dinner I made for him?

“No.”

Obviously.

To my tween girls:

“Wait a sec.”

They always want to relay a story when I’m right in the middle of something. Usually going to the bathroom.

“Just a minute.”

They always need me to open a package when I’m right in the middle of something. Usually going to the bathroom.

“Hold on.”

They always need me to look at something they’re doing when I’m right in the middle of something. Usually going to the bathroom.

“What.”

The go-to response to “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.”

“Yeah? Wow. Cool.”

The go-to response to whatever they needed to show or tell me after the “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.”

“Stop talking to each other.”

Why do they egg each other on until they’re both screaming through their tears? Just take a break from each other already!

“Be nice.”

Also obvious.

To my teenage sons:

“Don’t.”

Seriously, someone is going to get hurt.

“Stop.”

For real, now you’re going to break stuff.

“Seriously, stop it.”

Now I mean business.

“What the crap?”

They never cease to amaze me with their antics.

“Gross.”

Not just reserved for bodily functions.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

When they’re about to cross the line.

“That was inappropriate.”

When they’ve crossed the line.

“Don’t say that in front of the girls.”

When line-crossing around the tweens makes life a little more complicated.

“I know it’s funny, but don’t say that in public.”

This is usually followed with “People will hear you and think you’re ________ .” (fill in the blank with any undesirable adjective.)

To drivers on the road:

“You’re a freaking idiot.”

Well, they are.

“Everybody’s an idiot.”

They really, really are.

“Idiot!!!”

Not creative, but I can’t help myself! The road rage struggle is real.

To myself:

“Crap.”

My word of choice, apparently.

“Holy crap.”

When things get bad.

“Holy freaking crap.”

When things get real bad.

“@%$**&@^#*&$”

When it’s really, really bad and no one else is around to hear me.

Those are the things I always say. Now tell me, fellow mommies, what do you find yourself repeating over and over and over again?

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